There is one particular moment in my life that felt so deeply hard and it has come up again for me; unhealed.
So I’ve sat with it this morning
I don’t mind sharing for this is what I like to do, with context. It is here:
It was a time in my life when chronic fatigue was so bad
I was struggling so hard and couldn’t get out of bed
I felt like my whole world had collapsed and NOBODY UNDERSTOOD
It was Christmas morning and I was staying at my mums house. My parents are divorced. Mums house is Christmas personified 😊
I was in the single room and I woke up to Christmas morn
Christmas has always carried a particular etch on the skin for me. Something heightened something need but beyond this a sense of true joy and faith. A really beautiful day
But it carries a certain expectation that way. Perfection
This has been crippling my way.
I woke to sounds of laughter and joy downstairs…family fun, dogs, humans in pyjamas, hair unwashed teeth undone …ready to receive the day
I was not
Tired and alone
Amongst the sounds of paper tearing unwrapping I sobbed
What is it I have done?
Why do I feel so terrible? So alone
My body just couldn’t move.
My mum came in to the room
Angry
“What is wrong with you Katie?”
Those were the words I will never forget until I choose to let them …..go…
“I think you have a problem”
If only you know………………
I love my mum very much x our journey has been a beautiful one and we have done so much healing both individually ; together as well
I wouldn’t change a thing about her; not one
I ADORE HER-she knows this as well.
But this thing. This remembrance, this pain in my soul and my belly that prevents me breathing in I have to change so I will
I will rephrase it reframe it and this is what I am inviting you to do
Today, if you want to:
be free x
photo: Jaq…or was it Jac?…a woman i met at a shamanic retreat and who spoke to me with love x
